Chocolate

I have declared a nemesis today, my friends.  And the name of my nemesis is Chocolate.

I am growing more and more certain that when I die and look back in cosmic wisdom on my life and all the small decisions that formed it, I will see with perfect clarity that it was chocolate, and not PCOS, that deprived me from ever having children.  Because most of the diet things I can handle.  I can live without white flour, even though it is inconvenient.  I can live without milk.  I can even live without cheese, as much as I thought I wouldn't be able to.

But then Chocolate comes along with its delicious, flavorful goodness, and I am lost.

Especially because it is always offered to me as a treat that people want to give me to make me happy.  I can see the joy and expectation in their eyes.  They KNOW that I will love what they are presenting.  I don't want to disappoint them!  I don't want to spit on their gift!  It would be rude!  Plus, then I wouldn't get to eat chocolate.

Three days ago, it was the flourless chocolate cakes  at Brother's birthday dinner.  I mean... they were shaped like Daleks.  I'm not sure what I was really supposed to do.  But they were my downfall.  Because when I once again tasted the sweet heaven of chocolate, my resistance to it was destroyed.

Thus I was utterly unequipped to refuse the giant platter of chocolate passed around at the end of the meal at a dinner party yesterday.  I ate the first one so as not to be rude.  I ate the second one because someone thought it was a good idea to put the platter in front of me and just LEAVE IT THERE.  I ate the third one because.... ugh, because chocolate is delicious!

Today I thought I was safe.  No dinner parties today.  Just law school.  But I was wrong to relax!  CURSE my kind and considerate Friend Who Does Not Know for buying me a frosted, chocolate cake donut on her way to school to show her affection for me!  CURSE HER.

Whatever.  Who cares what happens this month.  I don't even care if I don't ovulate at all.  Because next month it shall begin, my friends.  My journey into the land of drugs.  I made an appointment for November 6 so that I can start next cycle.  I'm nervous and excited and optimistic and pessimistic all at the same time.  It's confusing.