Get out of my sexytimes, PCOS!

You know what I hate?  I hate that I always, always know exactly where I am in my cycle.  And I hate that whenever Husband comes at me all sexy-like (and, guys, he is super sexy when he comes at me all sexy-like), I do the math and I either think "YES.  LET'S DO THIS.  SEXYTIME A BABY INTO ME." or I think "We are wasting some perfectly good sexytimes not making a baby."

Every time.  I can't not have those thoughts.  If I'm into it, I have those thoughts.  If I'm not in the mood, I still have those thoughts.  And they affect whether I decide to get in the mood or not.  Not definitively, but they are a factor.  

And the time of month affects where I want to have sexytimes, too, because I am sure as heck not going to be stuck in the shower with my legs up in the air for half an hour post-sexytimes.  Because even if that is a silly superstition and doesn't have any effect on anything, I am taking no chances.  If it's fertile times, those legs are going up.  And I want to be on a comfy bed or couch when they do.

And I just really hate that.  I hate how it has invaded that intimate area of my life.  I wish sexytimes could just be sexytimes and not be about anything else ever.

I hate having to schedule it, too.  Ovulation is the least romantic time of the month.  There's no surprise or excitement because I know it's coming and I'm almost dreading it because of the pervasive feeling that it's just going to fail again and my own natural inclination to not even try if I think I'm going to fail.

By the way, if anyone wants to throw a "just relax and it will happen" my way in the comments, I WILL MURDER YOU.  AND I AM IN LAW SCHOOL, SO I WILL KNOW HOW NOT TO GET CONVICTED.  TRY ME.  JUST YOU TRY IT.

Still no period, by the way.  Good news or bad news?  If I were a betting woman, I know where I'd put my money...