Haha. I Need To Calm Down.

Ok, you guys.  Before you call suicide watch or anything, I would like to assure you that the Dark Times of yesterday were not evidence of my descent into madness and depression as I first assumed.  In fact, this morning I feel pretty OK.  I didn't walk into any doors.  I'm not on the verge of crying.  I even actually put effort into my appearance today for probably the first time this entire semester.  I'm wearing a black, lacy skirt and a little yellow sweater!  I look adorable!

I think most of my initial strong reaction was the shock of it.  I mean... twins.  Even now it's hard to wrap my head around, but I'm warming up to the idea.  I love twins.  Granted I wanted them for myself and even though it doesn't make any logical sense I feel like she stole this generation's twins and now I can't have them because she called dibs first, but at least I'll get to hang out with these ones all the time.  We will be friends.  I will be their aunt.  Forever.

It's weird to picture what they'll be like.  Weird and creative like my brother?  Red-headed and responsible like CSIL?  Identical?  Girls?  Boys?  Fraternal twins of opposite genders?  Thinking about it makes me happy and sad at the same time.  Happy because I am excited to meet them.  Sad because I feel like I can't fantasize about my own kids because the less I think about them the less it hurts.

I'm sure that if the ol' pregnancy test is negative tomorrow, I will still cry.  A lot.  But I'm at least not feeling as hopeless as I did yesterday.

Anyway, I just wanted to give y'all an update in case anyone was worried about me.  The main conclusion of this post is that I am pretty OK.