Thursday, February 5, 2015

Pregnant Women Who Complain

So you know how one of the worst things that a pregnant woman can do around an infertile is complain about how hard pregnancy is and jokingly ask if said infertile reeeeeally wants to go through it?

Now that I am on the other side, I have some things to say about that.

First of all, pregnancy is totally hard.  Things I have gone through so far include:

1.  Running out of class to throw up.
2.  Walking home even though it takes an hour because I can't bike anymore without vomiting and my husband can't always give me a ride.
3.  Period-like cramps for TWO WEEKS STRAIGHT peppered with sharp pangs that I have never experienced as my uterus swells to an unheard of size (no blood, though, so no cause to worry).
4.  Waking up in the middle of the night to throw up.
5.  Throwing up for half an hour straight, so hard that chunks were coming out my nose, then getting a nose bleed as well so that blood and vomit are just spewing out of my face orifices in an endless stream of disgusting bodily fluids.
6.  Awkwardly avoiding questions from friends and family about my ttc journey because I'm not comfortable telling EVERYONE yet.
7.  Peeing like basically every seven minutes.
8.  Bloating and feeling fat and unattractive.
9.  Constant exhaustion.
10.  Difficulty sleeping because of all the stress dreams and the inconvenience of trying to train myself to sleep on my side when I've always been a sleep-on-the-stomach kind of person.
11.  Insane cravings.
12.  Super fun pimples all over my face.
13.  Inability to eat sushi or rare meat or soft cheeses or alcohol or excessive seafood (all my favorite things).
14.  Wild mood swings that have me sobbing one second and laughing the next.
15.  Fear and anxiety about miscarriage or complications.
16.  Throwing up.  Yes, this deserves FIVE spots on the list because, seriously, it is the worst.

These things are not fun.  They are, in fact, rather inconvenient.  But let me tell you something, ladies.  And I want you to know that I mean this from the bottom of my heart.

Even without all those symptoms, struggling with infertility is still harder.  SO MUCH HARDER.  IT IS NOT EVEN CLOSE.

Because all those things (except the mood swings and the anxiety, but they come with fertility drugs, too) are purely physical, and I can handle physical difficulties all day.  All day.  For nine months.  No freaking sweat.

Having the emotional burden of barrenness and fear that I will never get pregnant lifted off of my shoulders is HUGE.  I'm doing better in school.  I had five interviews last weekend for summer employment and I nailed them, even through the nausea.  In fact, I already have two offers.  I'm remembering all the good things about my life and enjoying being where I am instead of wishing, so hard, that I could fast forward.  Life is honestly, genuinely, dramatically easier now.

So I just want you all to know that when you grumble behind your compassionate nods as some fertile myrtle tells you that you're just so lucky to not have to go through what she's going through... you are so unbelievably right when you think about how wrong she is.  What you're going through is harder.  So much harder.  She will never understand.  But I will understand if you decide to slap her, because she is the worst.


  1. Oh my god thank you for this. I was just starting to read your blog when you got pregnant, and I have been hesitant to come back because I am in the trenches and honestly it feels pretty bleak. But this made me laugh

    1. I'm glad. My goal is to bring laughter to the trenches. :)

  2. Damn that plethora of barf sounds horrible! I am glad that the only nausea Ive had to date has been when my tummy gets empty. I can relate to the bloating, mood swings and period like cramps. How far along are you? When is your next ultrasound? I have my second one Wednesdsy and I'm so nervous! Pregnancy after infertility and loss are mindfucks. But yes, I would rather be here than not.

    1. Well, I imagine your emotions are very different than mine in that I haven't experienced loss, and you have. How'd the ultrasound go? I'm 8 weeks along and waiting to schedule my first one until some insurance business has been sorted out.

  3. I was wondering too, how far along you are.

    I'm 13 weeks and this week has been all about the constipation. Ugh!

    But you're right, being infertile is much, much harder. We beat the odds and did get pregnant. Now we need to show support and compassion to those who are still trying to beat those odds, too.

    1. If I haven't said it yet, congrats! I forget if I knew you were pregnant. I'm 8 weeks. And I agree completely. Hope that constipation goes away! No thank you.

  4. This post exemplifies why I love you so much and why I was terrified to lose you to the "other side". It looks like that wont be an issue after all. You're as witty and charming as ever! XOXXO. I also like that your not moaning that its hard or that you hate it cause IF made you not able to love it. I love that you're loving it and love that you know IF is worse! Now get fat so I can rub your belly for luck, woman!

    1. Haha. I love you, too. Though I'm not sure how I'd react if you flew all the way over here just to rub my stomach.... Eh, I'd probably be fine with it. Do it!


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