Thursday, January 1, 2015

Vacationing with the Normies

So I went to Reno with my dad this last week because when someone offers you a free trip to Reno, you say yes.  Especially since I've been wanting to get away so much recently.

Only, when I accepted, I did not think about the timing.  Turns out it's ovulation season.  The merriest season of all.  The problem?  Husband did not come on the trip with me.  He was leading a youth retreat several hours away.

Cue the scrambling.  Dr. Angry Eyebrows says we need to do the baby dance every other day and it's a three day trip, so fulfilling our quota is doable, but tricky.  I had to chart my sexytimes by the hour, y'all.

Monday:  Wake up early for sexytimes before embarking on separate trips.  Everyone was very sleepy.

Tuesday:  Sneak out of room shared with Girl I Have Just Met And Don't Want To Tell My Whole Life Story To Yet to take an ovulation test in communal bathroom and then carry it inconspicuously in my pocket back to the room only to find Miss GIHJMADWTTMWLSTY awake and chatty.  Make awkward small talk until she leaves and I can check the result.  No ovulation.  Great news.

Wednesday:  Repeat ninja ovulation testing.  Literally have to throw test under bed to avoid detection when Dad walks in.  Still no ovulation.  Drive home.  Two hour window alone with husband in which to have sexytimes before we have to go to a New Years Eve service.  Husband is going on two hours of sleep and has just driven for several hours.  He is not exactly in the mood.  Allow husband to nap for an hour and 45 minutes and then get it done in the last 15 minutes before we have to go.  High five over accomplishment.

Then we drove to church and welcomed the New Year.

Mission Success!!

But sheesh was it a lot of work.  This is the first time I've ovulated (or, ok, almost ovulated seeing as my first high day was technically today) during a week that I wasn't at home.  Not fun.  Especially not when I think about how I have no idea when this journey will end for me.  What if I have to schedule my life around ovulation for the next several YEARS?  I know some of you have done that already.  How are you still sane?

I think I'm going to start a business selling signs that say things like:

"I'm going to be in this bathroom for a while because my urine is about to tell me whether sex in the next few days is mandatory or just advisable.  Stay out.  Don't judge me.  And do not ask about the results or I will ask YOU very personal and uncomfortable questions.  For example, why aren't you married yet?  Is it because you're so nosy?  Is it because no one could ever love someone so invasive?  GO AWAY WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS."


"We're trying to create life right now; please leave.  YES, it has to be right now.  Right freaking now.  I'm as thrilled by the timing as you are.  But if it doesn't happen right freaking now then we have to wait another month, so if you interrupt us then you are contractually obligated to pay for my wasted month of drugs, my ovulation kit, and a month's worth of therapy.  You may also have to pay for a new face because I will claw the one you have right off.  Thank you in advance for your understanding."

Any takers?


  1. Timed not fun. People do NOT realize how much our lives become scheduled while on fertility treatments. Nice job making it work under pressure.

  2. LOL this has been my experience fora looong time now. however, once we got near year two we relaxed a little and if it didnt ALWAYS work out timing wise we didnt sweat it. I guess we only did that when NOT on Clomid. When on Clomid we wouldnt have wasted the month. They we would just do what you all did. I have a friend that had to FLY to meet up with her husband on a work trip... more than once! SO yeah. Sanity is so relative really.

    1. Wow. The things we do! Pre-diagnosis I would have thought that woman was crazy. Now I say good for her getting it done in difficult circumstances. What a champ.

  3. I REALLY like option two for a sign! I would SO buy that. I'd also like one that is label size to put on a cup that says "Yes this cup MUST go with me to the bathroom, DON'T ASK". Seriously, if I didn't ask you what YOU did in the bathroom...why would you think it's ok to ask ME??? And how about a T-shirt that says "If you ask me when we are getting "started" again..." then a picture of Ralph from the honeymooners. Ok, I think I'm done with my vent...great post! Oh and as Kaeleigh said...the scheduling lightens up a bit after a while but I really hope you don't get to find that out. Hopefully you don't have much longer with the journey. Again...Great Post!

    1. LOVE the merchandise ideas. Why doesn't anyone sell these? Everything on etsy is all inspirational love/hope/vomit-inducting. I have nothing against women who find strength in those things but it is not how I experience infertility. Maybe I should start my own store...


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