Friday, October 10, 2014

How long to wait?

Ok, so I know I already said I was completely sure that I'm not pregnant this month... but that was when I was sick and miserable and in a very negative frame of mind.  I got lots of sleep and I'm all better now.  Well, my body is (minus my good friends the crazy PCOS symptoms).  My mind, on the other hand, is now back to anxious "what if"s.

Because, you know, I COULD be pregnant... Maybe?  Maybe this time?

Ugh.  The problem with not being sick and pessimistic is that now the ol' two week wait actually FEELS like a two week wait again.  I was kinda enjoying not counting and recounting the days.  I went three whole days without checking my fertility tracker app!  That's got to be some kind of record for me.

So the quandary I'm puzzling over right now is what day I should test if I don't get a magical repeat of last month's perfect cycle length.  I'm on Day 25.  Last month I had my period on Day 28.  The several months before that my cycles have been anywhere between 26 and 58 days.  According to the aforementioned fertility app, my average length is 39 days.

Yes, I realize I'm just spouting numbers and that none of them mean anything because my body is a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in crossword puzzles and Sudokus that were written by third graders and don't make any sense because no one explained to them what a Sudoku was and the answer to every crossword is "fart" no matter what the clue is and no matter how many boxes.

That was a long analogy.  It kinda got away from me.

I asked Husband how long he thought we should wait and he said we should wait a month after my period is due.  A MOTHER FLIPPING MONTH.  So I asked him how long he thought we should wait once he factored in the fact that I go crazy when I have to wait for things and that he has to live with me and that if it were up to me I would test early and often.  He then said fifty days.  When I calmly and rationally pointed out to him (if you're picturing me screaming like a banshee and my eyes flashing all crazy-like, you're pretty close) that fifty days was longer than a month, he said, "Oh, sorry.  I meant two months the first time."


So basically I am no longer consulting him on issues of timeline.  I love him very much, but he is a very stable and constant person who does not always understand the crazies that explode inside of me on a daily basis.  The stableness and constantness will come in all kinds of handy when we're actually parents and need to live from crisis to crisis, but right now it just makes him and his entire outlook on life very strange to me.

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