Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Ugh, diets.

Sometimes . . . Husband does not really understand diets.

I mean, Husband and I have always had drastically different taste in foods.  I like sushi and vegetables and even though I am not a vegetarian I think that tofu is delicious.

Husband's idea of fine cuisine is Hamburger Helper or McDonald's.  Or Hot Pockets.  This is a thing that I have (mostly) accepted about him.  In fact, it's somewhat of a running joke in our family.  When cousins do impressions of Husband, they usually involve the look of excitement that crosses his face whenever he sees a fast food chain he hasn't eaten at in a while.  Basically, while I did try in early marriage to make meals we would both like, I quickly realized that it was a lost cause.  Back then, when we were still newlyweds, I made one dish for him and a separate one for me every single meal that we ate together.  Once law school started and I no longer had anything remotely resembling free time, that was obviously not a thing I wanted to do anymore.  So he's been on his own food-wise for over a year.

Because of this, making my own, separate meals when I started the PCOS diet was not unfamiliar.  What WAS unfamiliar was how angsty I got when he ate his food around me.  His tolerable food, I mean.  I continue to feel nothing but disgust when he eats Hot Pockets.

We had a lot of conversations about this in the first month of the diet, particularly when he ate half a box of chocolate donuts right in front of me.  (I feel the need to point out at this time that he is basically a bean pole.  I've lost 14 pounds and am right in the middle of the healthy weight range for my height, but he STILL weighs less than I do.  And he is taller.  This is just another thing about my life that is unfair.)  And, to his credit, he has been trying.  He hid the entire box of cookies that he bought yesterday on a shelf below eye level in the cupboard (I still saw it right away, but it was a good effort), and he only makes pizza when I'm not home (though the house does still smell like it when I get back).

So today when he asked if I could put away the last slices of his pizza for him and didn't understand why I didn't want to even look at the cheesy, white-flourey, greasy deliciousness of it, I got a little frustrated.  I've never asked him to diet with me.  And I wouldn't, because I know that he would not be able to.  I've made SOME progress with him over the years (for example, he will now eat fish and if given the option will choose brown rice over white), but it has not been easy.  I'm almost positive it's a mental thing, but he always feels sick after eating food he doesn't like and so he reacts strongly to being forced to, and has on several occasions eaten fast food before going to a friend's house for dinner in case they serve something he doesn't like (which is most of the things).  So I wouldn't ask him to.  I have always known that this would just be a me thing.

But sometimes... ok, a lot of the time... I really, really wish it wasn't just a me thing.  Even if he doesn't eat the food with me I wish it was at least on his mind as much as it is on mine.  When we go to a restaurant with a friend and I have already looked at the menu online and ascertained what dishes don't have white flour or dairy or soy, and then the friend suggests another place, I wish that instead of being all for it, Husband would know that I have no idea whether I can eat at the new place or not and would mention that instead of agreeing immediately and forcing me to remind him.

I wish that when guests come over he wouldn't get my favorite dessert bars and ask me to help frost them and tell me it's fine to take a slice when it obviously isn't.

And I wish that he would understand why I don't want to put away his pizza slices for him.

Sometimes, it's just really hard that this entire infertility thing is completely on my shoulders and that I have to work really hard to try and fix it while Husband can (and frequently does) forget that it's an issue at all.


  1. My husband is also a skinny bean pole who can eat mass quantities of junk food without gaining an ounce, but he at least eats almost all the things whereas I am the picky one. With my diet he has been supportive but not always mindful which can be frustrating. He was totally unaware that I haven't been eating bread for months now and wondered what I've been eating for lunch...the thing is, we eat lunch together EVERY DAY. Lol.

  2. Hahahaha. This made me laugh. Husbands can be so oblivious sometimes. I'll bet you know EXACTLY what he eats, though.

    Congrats staying away from bread altogether for the last several months! I couldn't keep it up so I reintroduced whole grains to my diet recently (as in WHOLE whole grains. At least 4 grams of dietary fiber per serving or no deal). Are you not eating any grains or just not bread? Either way, I bet you understand what I was talking about when it comes to eating out, am I right?

  3. I can definitely understand, but we only go out to eat maybe four times a year. We live in a small town so there aren't too many options, and the whole area is a bit of a resort region, so lots of places are quite expensive. I really struggle with diets and didn't want to really be on one. Instead I just noted down what I ate in a day for about a week, and where I could cut calories out. I cut out the bread from breakfast and lunch. I cut out beer and fancy coffees, but I allow myself cheats on the weekend, and dinner every night includes carbs of some form or another. I work in a physically demanding job and I jog and hike a bit, so I can't completely give up grains (if I did I would be so cranky and tired, and I would fail). The bulk of the weight I put on was at university, working full time third shift with a full course load and a commute...I can't even imagine how much you have going on right now in your life! To be so busy, with the added stress of infertility, and to successfully diet on top of it all? You may be my hero! I can't juggle so many things without freaking out! I can't even manage to do the housework despite a 27 hour work week because I am easily distracted by pretty much everything (damn you google and wikipedia). In fact, here I am reading blogs with a basket of wet laundry sitting near me that apparently won't go hang itself. Ok...back on task...

    1. I hear that. I didn't want to be on a diet either. I've never been on one before and it pretty much sucks to have that be the way to increase your changes. It couldn't have been chocolate? Binge-watching shows on Netflix?

      I appreciate you recognizing the fun balancing act I have going on. Sometimes it's just really nice to have someone acknowledge that it really is a lot. The process is definitely not without its breakdowns, though, I assure you. But still, thanks for calling me a hero. That's really encouraging.

      Hope your laundry turned out ok! ;)


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