Thursday, November 6, 2014

The Day the Drug Deal Went Down

I made a drug deal today, you guys.  That is the only thing that I will ever call fertility treatments, because the three or four times today that I said the word "drugs" my ob-gyn corrected me and said, "Call them medications, please" with increasing annoyance.  And that amuses me.  Because he was really upset by the end.  And he has really big eyebrows, and I think that they were upset, too.  They were quivering.  So henceforth I will call my prescriptions "drug deals" and I will call my ob-gyn "Dr. Angry Eyebrows".

Because screw him.  He's a nice guy and whatever, but he does not have time for me and he made that very clear every time I asked a question and he literally threw his hands up in the air instead of answering.  Or made really vague comments about how "well, some diets say one thing and other diets say another and they all think they're right".  Yes, but you are a medical professional.  And I am asking YOU.

He gave me basically no information about drugs.  (THAT'S RIGHT, I CALLED THEM DRUGS AGAIN, YOU DRUG DEALER.)  I was like, "Listen, everyone I know who has used Metformin has been successful and everyone who uses Clomid is still trying, but I understand that my sample size is small, so, in your experience, which is more likely to yield results?  And do you have any hard data on the average amount of months it takes to achieve pregnancy for your patients on each drug, or anything like that?  Or just a general idea?"

And he was like, "I read an article a couple months ago that said they're pretty much the same."  And he thought that answered my question.  No, it did not.  You read a freaking article?  I can read articles.  You have actual patients.  I was asking about them.  Did you not understand the question, or can you really just not remember whether or not these drugs (YES, DRUGS) have worked for any of the people who come into your office and pay a couple hundred dollars so that you can not answer any of their questions?

Then he printed out a three page article about what PCOS is for me as if I don't know how to use Google and haven't spent months reading ALL the articles in the universe on the myriad of problems with the disappointment machine I keep where my baby-grower should be.

And then he was like, "So are we done here?  I'm done."  Thanks, Dr. Angry Eyebrows.  You have a nice day, too.

And, look.  I get it.  This is the thirty-millionth time he has had this conversation and written this prescription.  But it's the first time that I have had this conversation, and it is his freaking job to answer my freaking questions about it!

Whatever.  It's fine.  I got a prescription for Clomid because the one and only thing that he actually told me was that Clomid is better if you don't need to lose weight and Metformin is better if you do.  Thanks to my 20 pound weight loss extravaganza, my weight is not at all an issue.  Soooo Clomid.

And on the 10th I'm going to get my progesterone checked to see if I ovulated this month.

And sometime in the next couple weeks, Husband is going to get his sperm checked.  Which he has feelings about.  But maybe I'll talk about that in another post.  Just know for now that his feelings amuse me, because I have been having feelings for, like, ever.  Your turn, sucker!  Mwahaha.


  1. Oh you're the best... Sooo funny. Yes I called them drugs you drug dealer!!! Bahaha!! Welcome to the pill popping club. I pray you hate it less than I do. in the upside ill ve on Clomid train again in a few days so I can't despise it that much, as I keep signing up to do it! So there is THAT nugget for comfort!

    1. It would probably be more comforting if I didn't know for a fact that you (and I, and most women in our position) are willing to sign up for ALL the uncomfortable and horrible things if it will get us a baby. If someone told us to down an entire bottle of hot sauce in an hour and we would immediately be pregnant (and we had reason to believe them) I am CERTAIN that way too many of us would get chugging immediately. But I'm sure Clomid isn't TOO much worse than that.

  2. Ok I keep trying to post on my phone so if this is a triplicate post, so sorry. I am very analytical and anxious to learn about PCOS, and find that the nurses always blow me off when I have questions. Sorry I'm not gonna just passively accept your treatment plans without wanting to know why the choice was made to proceed this way. Sorry I want to know what a number means. It's my body and my money.

    Good luck hon.


    1. Right? Seriously. Their medical decisions affect my entire life. I'm signing up for side effects, a huge financial burden with monthly check-ups, emotional turmoil, and a lot of my time devoted to this treatment. Excuse me if I want to really understand why I'm doing it and what the chances of success are before we dive in.


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