Wednesday, November 26, 2014


Goodness gracious.  For the first few days of Clomid I had basically no symptoms at all.  Kind of a headache but that's really it.  And then, all of a sudden, last night I had ALL THE SYMPTOMS.

Let me narrate for you what went down.

I came back from dinner, wrote out my blog post, and then settled in to relax for a bit before I went to bed.  Only instead of doing that I just started crying.  All of a sudden I was totally overwhelmed with the things I'd been through that evening and my own infertility and the amount of work I have to do this week and all the people I have to see and how little time there is to do everything.  It all just hit me at once and I started crying.  Not interested in crying alone, I called my husband and asked him to come up and snuggle.  He asked me what was wrong and as I was telling him, instead of sad I started to feel mad.  Why did I have to deal with all these things!?  It wasn't fair!  I just suddenly got randomly furious at nothing.

And then I got my first ever hot flash.  It was soooo weird.  Kentucky Cousin ("KC") told me that the first time she had a hot flash she initially thought it was a panic attack.  I can now totally see why.  Because at first is just felt like overwhelming pressure in my chest.  It was heavy the way that guilt is heavy.  Or panic.  But I didn't have anything to feel guilty or panicked about.  And then all of a sudden my entire body was just really freaking hot.

And, you guys, listen.  It is FREEZING in my mom's house (where I am currently staying).  All year.  No matter what.  She refuses to ever use heat and her house just traps cold air inside of it like an arctic tomb.  She walks around in multiple coats and considers such an action to be totally normal, even though she lives in California.  So I KNOW that I was not hot because it was actually hot.

So at that point I realized that all the things happening were hormonal and I calmed down.

But then I got hit with another fun Clomid side effect - insomnia.  I usually fall asleep almost immediately, and I was really, really tired.  And yet I couldn't fall asleep for hours.  I was just tossing and turning, never comfortable.  My cat (who likes to sleep on me) got pissed that I wouldn't stay still and gave up on me.  I think she slept on my husband, who was totally out for most of this.

When I finally did fall asleep, I had weird and scary dreams/hallucinations that creatures that looked like the Minotaur were in my bedroom and on my balcony.  Just screeching at me.  I say hallucinations because I actually sat up in bed and looked over my husband's sleeping body to try to speak to one of them.  He was right there.  But as I stared at him he gradually disappeared.


I did a quick Google search this morning and apparently out of a study of 656 people on Clomid, 4 had the side effect of hallucinations.  So it's really rare.  Lucky me!

I felt fine this morning, but man.  Last night was a trial.  And now I feel like any of those things could just hit me at any time.  Hopefully tomorrow I see a Minotaur passing me the gravy and I freak out.  That would be the perfect way to give people something other than babies to discuss.


  1. Well, let me give you a fun fact about me (there are so many *sarcastic eyeroll*). I have all this (hot flashes, insomnia, sudden uncontrollable mood swings) without any medical assistance. I've been tested out the wazoo and back in hormonally and from what my obgyns have been able to tell...all my hormones are within range...right as rain. I always get asked by other infertiles in the community, why haven't you went to a RE yet? I'm terrified. Its unbelievable that I could get these symptoms worse than I already have them and I think (until now) I've read these clomid stories with a horrified kind of stubbornness. I appreciate your courage, especially now that I am finally going to see a RE in a couple of weeks. Soldier on and know that this is medicated insanity and not the real thing ;)

    1. Good luck with your RE appointment. It's a big step! I truly hope that it pays off for you.

  2. Holy cow, that sounds so scary!
    You should be nearly done with the clomid now I hope. Good luck as you go forward this cycle. I hope those horrific symptoms ease.

    1. Yup, just took the last one yesterday. Thank goodness. Now all I have to worry about is having my sexytimes on schedule.

  3. Clomid is insane. It makes you do insane things. And the hot flashes. Good Lord, I've turned into my 50 year old mother, who coincidentally, is going through the same exact symptoms because of menopause. I'm officially my mother. You win, universe.

    1. Me too! Mom and I are symptom buddies. Just like I always wanted.


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