Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Drag it out, will you?

The last couple of days have been really frustrating.  I know I said I got AF two days ago, but what I really got two days ago was gross-o brown gunky stuff that led me to believe that my period was coming imminently because sometimes I get that before my actual period starts.  As in, like, an hour before.  But then I got it for like a day and a half before it just stopped completely, which has never happened.  So I was like "Whaaaat is going on?"  I even tested again (negative, because obviously).  And then I asked Dr. Angry Eyebrows, who was just as unhelpful as ever.  And then I screamed at the skies, "WHY CAN'T MY BODY BE NORMAL!?"

Well today my body said, "YOU WANT A PERIOD!?  FINE.  HERE.  BLOOD FOR DAYS AND CRAMPS SO BAD YOU WILL FEEL LIKE YOU ARE DYING."  Freaking ow, body.  Why are you doing this?  I have an oral argument today!  You can't ever just give me the blood without the pain?  It always has to come with a giant "screw you; I want you to feel how not pregnant you are"?  Uuuugggghhhhh, I hate you so much.

The good news is now that actual AF took her sweet freaking time showing up after her gross and unwelcome entourage, I will be taking my last day of Clomid on freaking Thanksgiving.  Hooraaay!  I'll be sneaking pills in the bathroom like a REAL druggie!  Who here would like to take bets that Crying Clomid causes me to have a meltdown right in the middle of the holiday?  I can see it now.  Someone will ask me to pass the gravy and I will just start sobbing.  And it will be hilarious.  Because, you guys, my family is SUPER NICE.  We've got our problems and whatever, but they are all hidden and unnoticeable.  Like my struggle with infertility.  A good chunk of my family probably still doesn't know about it, or if they do it has been discussed in soft whispers with a lot of compassionate head nodding in the dark of night.  At holidays such things are never discussed.  No one fights.  Everyone is agreeable.  If there is a disagreement at all, it is probably regarding whose pie is better, and both pie-makers will insist that the pie they did not make was far superior than their own.  That's the kind of environment I'm talking about here.  So if in the midst of the smiles and the compliments and the small talk and the copious hugging I start sobbing, one of two things will happen.  Either everyone will be so shocked that they don't know how to cope and will shut down so that the only sound in the room is my wailing, OR every single person in the room and, before long, the adjoining rooms will immediately flock to the trouble and I will be smothered by affection and compassion.  And those closest to the sobbing will give a play-by-play to those on the outskirts so that they do not feel left out.  "Yes, she's still crying.  Apparently there is no baby in her.  Even now.  Oh, when I said the word baby it got much worse.  Now she is sinking to the floor and making squeaking noises.  Do you think she needs water?  Could you get her some?  I'll catch you up on what you miss; don't worry.  Please hurry!  For some reason now she is getting enraged!"

There's just going to be SO MUCH to be thankful for.

10 comments:

  1. I didn't have clomid crying so much as clomid rage... so maybe you'll be "lucky" like me. Also, I suggest wearing something appropriate for lemon ball, because smashing things will a bat could definitely help.

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    1. Knowing me and how strongly I usually react to hormones, I'll probably get both.

      But YES. I am so looking forward to lemon ball. I will smash those lemons to pieces and get the juice in EVERYONE'S eyes. Can't wait.

      Also, it makes me really happy that you commented on my post. Aw. You're awesome.

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  2. If anyone asks just tell them you have enlisted the help of crack cocaine to get you through the holidays and its having an adverse affect. If you are going to hide IF behind a wall without feeling shame (and still want the ability to cry without a zoo like audience)...make the wall you hide behind a mammoth-like wall of blessed and healing sarcastic humor. Yes, I have done this and most of the time it works for the hour I need it to ;). Good luck love!

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    1. Brilliant. My best plan if I start sobbing was to just commit to it and start screaming nonsense. "THE KING BELIEVES IN THE TOOTHPICK'S EYE!" That sort of thing.

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  3. Oh my gosh, the sob fest over the holiday induced by Clomid. I was dying. Seriously, too funny! I really hope you get lucky though and respond really well to clomid. I tried Femara this cycle and it was amazing, although I didn't ever try clomid. Good luck!!

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    1. Thanks! Good luck with Femara! Glad I could make you laugh in the midst of the chaos that is conception.

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  4. I cant even respond I am laughing so hard! I love you so much. That is all. Also your family sounds like they need a good shake up. So no worries if you cry. Itll just keep things interesting!

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    1. Hahaha. Maybe they do. And I have a feeling I will deliver. ;)

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  5. Thanksgiving with your family sounds a little boring, maybe a little Clomid snarkiness would be just the thing to spice things up a bit! And if you need to ugly cry, just say that you're going to do some pre-Black Friday shopping and drive a few blocks away, park, and let it all out. Whatever you need to do to get through the holiday, do it! Oh and drink lots of wine :)

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    1. Two excellent ideas. I probably have to choose one or the other, though, because if I drink lots of wine then I probably should not drive. Do you think anyone would believe that I need to walk to a pre-Black Friday sale?

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